Oh, and by “reaccomodate,” they mean remove the last vestiges of dignity you had after going through security.
By Alexandra Petri April 12 at 10:52 AM
I guess this is how we are writing up the victims of crimes now. I did not realize that when you boarded a plane you gave away the right to have your past remain your past, but a theme of life these days is that only people who have never done anything wrong, or are in some way related to Donald Trump, deserve to go through their lives unmolested.
In accordance with this new house style I am writing up an incident whose anniversary some people are celebrating this week.
The gentleman arrested Thursday and tried before Pontius Pilate had a troubled background.
Born (possibly out of wedlock?) in a stable, this jobless thirty-something of Middle Eastern origin had had previous run-ins with local authorities for disturbing the peace, and had become increasingly associated with the members of a fringe religious group. He spent the majority of his time in the company of sex workers and criminals.
He had had prior run-ins with local authorities — most notably, an incident of vandalism in a community center when he wrecked the tables of several licensed money-lenders and bird-sellers. He had used violent language, too, claiming that he could destroy a gathering place and rebuild it.
At the time of his arrest, he had not held a fixed residence for years. Instead, he led an itinerant lifestyle, staying at the homes of friends and advocating the redistribution of wealth.
He had come to the attention of the authorities more than once for his unauthorized distribution of food, disruptive public behavior, and participation in farcical aquatic ceremonies.
Some say that his brutal punishment at the hands of the state was out of proportion to and unrelated to any of these incidents in his record.
But after all, he was no angel.
Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III cooking up a storm.